This couple I know; they're friends of IRP. They're splitting up. They were together for 24 years. I think it's very sad.

It's not something I know about in relationships, or something I understand. My parents are still together, after a total of about 40 years. I believe they meant it when they got married. Unlike nowadays, where it seems people get married knowing divorce is a realistic option.

Anyway, one of this couple said it was because they grew apart a lot in a short space of time. This was due to the other one starting a career once the kids were old enough. Work apparently took over, and the family started coming second more and more. Of course I don't know all the details.

I don't think the problem was that she was now working. The problem (one of many probably) was that she let it take over. It must have been possible to fit a career in alongside the family. I think many of us are in that situation; it's the work-life balance.

But the whole thing got me thinking. Like I said, I don't understand. After so many years, how can there suddenly be something that can't be worked through anymore. Is it really a case of reaching the end of your tether? Is it giving up, no longer making the effort, and throwing all those years together away?

Marriage is supposed to be for life. Call me old-fashioned, but I like that principle. It may be easy for me to say, as it never really has featured on my 'to-do list' for life. And it still doesn't, as I view it as such a big commitment, I'd want to be sure it was right.

I do want to be with someone for ever, if you know what I mean. It may even be IRP, you never know. I was thinking, people tend to be in a relationship for quite some time before they get married. You pretty much know the imperfections in your partner. Perhaps there are then two questions to ask yourself before marriage, beside the obvious 'do you love the other?'.

Can I accept the little flaws and little things that annoy me in my partner?
How good are his good qualities and subtleties? Are they things you might easily find elsewhere in a way that appeals to you as much as they do when it's your partner?