One news story caught my eye last week, and it unfolded differently to what I had initially expected... Helen Mirren said in an interview that she was childless because the thought of childbirth disgusts her. Apparently she'd seen a video of childbirth as a child, and that put her off for life.

Creating new life, having children is often seen as something very important. Some feel we have a duty to procreate. Plenty of women would love to have children but can't. Therefore, I thought the media might pounce on this story and make Helen Mirren out to be a terrible person. Luckily, Helen is a nation's favourite, and instead of vilifying her, the media was very understanding, and some articles on the subject appeared to pity her.

Reading some of these articles, I learned a lot about what different women think about pregnancy, childbirth, babies and parenthood. There is even a name for it all; tokophobia - the fear of childbirth.

I found all this very interesting indeed. It was good to read what all these different women felt and thought. I'm not sure the 'fear of childbirth' adequately described what these women were talking about, but I guess it's pretty close.

The reason I found all this very interesting, is because I'm not a very maternal person. I don't want to have children. I'm not sure how honest I can be about this because often people believe that if you can have children, you should be grateful, and make sure you do have children.
Still, I'll be honest and I hope not to be judged too harshly as some of this may sound pretty awful.

There are several reason why I don't want children. For one, I'm not sure I want to bring a child into this world, as it is now. This is a weak excuse because I actually love life so why not grant that gift to someone else. Secondly, also weak, I'm not sure I'd make a very good parent. I believe this is a general worry for lots of people... The more important reasons are to do with pregnancy and childbirth.

Those two things send shivers down my spine. I always thought there was something wrong with me and felt guilty, until last week when I realised there are plenty of women with similar issues.
When I see a pregnant lady, I actually have a physical reaction, it seems so wrong to me, my stomach makes a somersault. I feel bad about this but even as I write this I'm shivering. It'd been a bit better in the last year or so, but seeing my brother's girlfriend belly move of it's own accord just made it all worse again.
I can't help but thinking of that scene from the film Alien...

Then childbirth itself. I believe it's a major design flaw in a woman's physique. It really puts me off.

I will not rule anything out, never say never... I know that stranger things have happened and I may change my mind, but it seems very unlikely. I might one day love someone so much, that if they want a child I might do it for them. Likely I suggest adoption first though. Even more likely a childless future for me.

I don't really understand it fully, and it seems wrong and I can't quite explain it. I feel guilty and ungrateful (assuming I can have children, I haven't tried...). But I found the stories in the media very interesting, and was pleasantly surprised at the understanding reaction.

I'm glad I'll be an auntie soon. My parents want to be grandparents, and they know I'm unlikely to have any children so at least my brother is now having a baby. I think I can cope with being an auntie...